Milkman's mother, Ruth Foster Dead, his aunt, Pilate Dead, and his cousin and lover, Hagar Dead really seem to embody three different value systems that Milkman could adopt. His mother is, in many ways, the quintessential old-fashioned wife and mother: she works in the home, is responsible for meals, raising the children, and so on. Her role is to take care of her husband, and he expects to be taken care of by her. In return, he provides financially for her and their family. These are the major values of this particular system.
Pilate Dead represents quite a different system. Here, men are practically nonexistent. The men in Pilate's and Reba's lives have really just been sperm donors, though -- one imagines because of the way she welcomes Milkman and Guitar in -- men could theoretically be more involved if they wanted to be. Pilate values raw and unconditional love, honesty, and pleasure. She eats what she wants when she wants, makes and sells fruit wines to support her family, and is unfailingly loving and truthful. Life is much more fluid and much less rigid than it is for Ruth because Pilate is so independent and cares not at all about what people think of her.
Hagar, Pilate's granddaughter, embodies a more modern sort of a sensibility: she doesn't want to just take care of her man -- she wants him to take care of her too. She wants to dress well and look good, and she cares a great deal about things that Pilate and Ruth do not. She doesn't seem to do anything by way of work, like Ruth and Pilate do, so this would imply that she has an expectation of being taken care of; also, she needs to feel desired, something that Ruth would like but Pilate doesn't really care about. Hagar wants a passionate relationship where she is desired and cherished and cared for; this is a major value for her.
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