What is the mother-child relationship?

Introduction

John Bowlby was one of the first psychologists to be interested in studying attachment patterns
in mother and child. He became involved in this when he was working with juvenile thieves and noticed that all such youths had experienced a disruptive relationship with their mothers when they were infants or young children. His studies led him to formulate his theory of attachment, which is considered the most comprehensive of its kind. Bowlby’s theory is based on the ethological principle that some behaviors are biologically programmed for optimal adaptability to the environment, which in turn increases the probability for survival. According to Bowlby, infants’ behaviors are biologically programmed to insure attachment to a primary caretaker, and attachment is an optimal strategy for survival.

Ethological Theory of Attachment

Mother-child relationships begin as an interactive dance in which each party responds to the other with a set of behaviors meant to result in a synchronized pattern of love. According to the principles of Bowlby’s ethological theory of attachment, all infants are born into the world biologically prepared to respond to attachment behaviors from a primary caretaker. At birth, infants have a set of limited responses, each of which elicits a specific response in an adult. For example, the cries of newborn babies will trigger milk flow in their mothers or increase the physiological arousal of any adult, which in turn increases the probability that the child’s needs will be met. Other examples include the fact that a newborn can recognize its mother’s voice, will grasp a finger placed in its hand, and will calm down when touched. In turn, an adult is likely to respond to these behaviors with loving and tender caresses and words. As the interactions grow and mature, the patterns of attachment become more canalized until, at about one year old, a child can be classified into one of several attachment patterns.

Attachment Types

Attachment is a pattern of parent-child interactions that determines the overall relationship between the child and its mother or father. Children can have a secure attachment to one or both parents, or they can have an insecure attachment. Bowlby determined that children who are securely attached view their mothers as “secure bases” to which they will return when feeling anxious or threatened.

The attachment classification was enhanced by Mary Ainsworth when she determined that one way to view differences in attachment security was to purposefully expose a baby to a environment that may be distressing. She devised the laboratory procedure of the strange situation, where infants and mothers were placed into a room full of toys. During a specified time period, the mother left and returned several times. The baby was left either with a stranger or alone. The child’s response to the separation and its reunion behaviors to the mother showed several differences in the child’s behaviors dependent on its pattern of maternal attachment. This procedure has become the standard operation used to measure attachment and has revealed a great deal about attachment in both the infant and older child.

Secure Attachment

In a secure attachment, infants tend to explore the environment more freely and are able to separate from their mothers without too much distress. On reunion, secure children are always happy to see their mothers and respond in a positive way. These children are also able to share their toys with strangers and be comforted by strangers if left alone. As children grow, those with a secure attachment tend to be happier and more stable, have more friends, do better in school, have higher motivation and achievement mastery, be more empathetic and more moral, and more likely to be a leader in school.

Secure attachment begins primarily with mothers responding in a nurturing and gentle manner. They are quick to comfort a crying child, show affection, are sympathetic, and smile at their children frequently. In the context of discipline, they are less likely to nag or punish, especially spank, and are more likely to reinforce positive behavior than focus on negative behavior. When a child does something wrong, this mother will explain to the child why the behavior was wrong and what the consequences are in a context that the child will understand. The mother encourages, helps, nurtures, and disciplines in a firm but gentle manner.

Insecure Attachment

There are at least two kinds of insecure attachment. Even though it is called insecure attachment, it is still an attachment. The bonding is not as strong or stable as a secure attachment and there are different consequences. Insecure attachment occurs because the infant has a need to protect himself or herself from some unpleasant parental situation and the only way to do that is to direct its attention away from the parent. All infants have a need for affection and love. If they seek out the mother, for example, and reach out or smile at her and the mother does not respond, the child’s emotional needs are not met and he or she feels distress and anxiety. If this happens enough times, the child learns to expect rejection and a conflict arises between the child’s needs and expectations. The child learns to avoid this unpleasant situation by directing attention away from the parent. Thus, the attachment that forms is not one where the child is certain that the parent will respond to his or her needs or make him or her feel secure. The child’s emotional development hardwires in the brain differently from the secure child. Thus, the insecure child’s emotional responses will be different also.

Generally, the two most widely recognized types of insecure attachment are avoidant attachment and resistant attachment. Children who form a resistant attachment pattern have found that the mother is inconsistent in her response to the child’s need. In some situations the mother is available and helpful, while at other times she is unresponsive or unavailable and may even use abandonment as a means of controlling the child. According to Ainsworth, this results in the child having a severe emotional response when separated from the mother, and separation anxiety
results in clinging and anxious behavior. However, when the mother returns, the child will resist any overtures of contact that the mother might make and does not easily calm down. The child may even show signs of anger or aggressive behavior toward the mother. About 10 to 15 percent of American infants show this pattern. Ainsworth refers to this type of attachment as ambivalent. Because the mother sometimes shows positive reactions to the child, the child does not totally disengage and still desires contact with the mother. Thus, these children show a mixture of desire for and rejection of the mother. They will be intimate one second and hostile the next. If the mother joins them after a separation, these children will focus on the toys or tasks at hand and will greet the mother briefly but distantly.

The second pattern of insecure attachment is avoidant. An avoidantly attached infant does not expect the mother to respond in a helpful manner, and the child learns that he or she may even be rebuffed when approaching the mother for protection or comfort. The mother of this child is usually rejecting of the child and shows little affection to the child. To protect himself or herself, the child distances from the mother and is not distressed during parental separation. When the mother returns, the child avoids the mother and does not greet her positively or affectionately. As the child ages, he or she attempts to live without love and support from others by becoming emotionally self-sufficient. About 20 percent of American babies show this type of attachment.

An avoidant attachment can also occur with the mother who shows too much attention to a child, who overreacts to everything, who is too exuberant in responses of even a positive expression, or who is too possessive or protective of the child. This overreactive response is too overwhelming for the child, who will react by directing attention away from the mother and thus become insecurely attached.

Another pattern of insecure attachment is disorganized/disoriented attachment. This attachment illustrates the most severe pattern of insecurity for the child. When young, these children display confused, contradictory behaviors toward the mother when reunited with her. For example, they may approach her but their facial expressions will relate no element of pleasure. In fact, these children more likely will display a flat, unemotional, or depressed expression. As these children age, their behavior toward their mother changes, responding to their mother at reunion with either a controlling or a dominating attitude, possibly trying to humiliate or reject the parent. They may also respond with an attitude of role-reversal, where the parent is treated as if he or she had become the child.

Attachment Stability

Although attachment patterns for the most part are stable over the life span, attachment patterns can be changed. It is never too late to forge a secure attachment. However, the emotional patterns of the child tend to be hardwired during early development and some of the child’s emotional responses will be automatic. The critical period is thought to be within the first three years of life. In other words, when a parent comforts a hurt child, there is a corresponding neural loop that goes from the emotional centers of the brain to the cerebral cortex of the brain and reduces anxiety. When this occurs enough times there is an automatic response in the brain that allows the child to comfort himself or herself. However, if the child is hurt and seeks comfort but gets instead a rebuke or even more physical pain, then the brain wires up differently so that physical hurts are associated with emotional hurts or vice versa. This does not necessarily indicate that the brain neural networks are abnormal, but they are different from children whose parents meet their emotional needs. There is still much research that needs to be done before it can be said for sure that the neural pattern is irrevocable, but some things can be changed.

Bibliography

Ainsworth, Mary, et al. Patterns of Attachment: A Psychological Study of the Strange Situation. Hillsdale: Erlbaum, 1978. Print.

Bowlby, John. Attachment and Loss. 2nd ed. New York: Basic, 1999. Print.

Bowlby, John. A Secure Base: Parent-Child Attachment and Healthy Human Development. London: Routledge, 1988. Print.

Chen, Fu, et al. "The Role of Emotion in Parent-Child Relationships: Children's Emotionality, Maternal Meta-Emotion, and Children's Attachment Security." Journal of Child and Family Studies 21.3 (2012): 403–10. Print.

Holmes, Jeremy. John Bowlby and Attachment Theory. 2nd ed. London: Routledge, 2013. Print.

Karen, Robert. Becoming Attached. New York: Oxford UP, 1998. Print.

Main, Mary, and Donna Weston. "Avoidance of the Attachment Figure in Infancy: Descriptions and Interpretations." The Place of Attachment in Human Behavior. Ed. Colin Murray Parkes and J. S. Hinde. London: Tavistock, 1982. 31–59. Print.

Mooney, Carol Garhart. Theories of Attachment: An Introduction to Bowlby, Ainsworth, Gerber, Brazelton, Kennell, and Klaus. St. Paul: Redleaf, 2010. Print.